Omnivourous Lawn-Clippings

bigasspants:

bigasspants:

we’re the only animals that know what will happen later in the day

deer: “who knows. i might find a river. i may be attacked by wolves”

man, gods favorite creature: “tonight i will indulge in overwatch pornography”

(via evilscientist3)

official-penis-posts:

frenzyarts:

deathvalleyskytree:

frenzyarts:

Hi guys. Lesbian penis,

huge if true

Huge, you say? 😳💦💦💦

Official Penis Post

(via doubleca5t)

deafmic:

a couple weeks ago, someone called and left a message on my team’s phone at work. this was a phone number that he should not have been able to find and which isn’t actually manned. we are an IT team and have the number to keep our team zoom account. so no one picks it up, but every time someone leaves a message, everyone on the team gets an email with the transposed text.

this man left a 7 minute long message with my tech team about how he wanted a job in our sales department.

in it, he called himself a savage no less than 12 times. he spent most of the 7 minutes talking about how well he closes deals and sells. he left this message over the weekend. in it, he said the words “i’m a beast, i’m a killer” multiple times, which i now can’t seem to get out of my vocabulary. i say it literally every day and i can’t explain it because it’s like a personal meme.

my team actually found this message so fucking funny that we immediately found the sales team recruiter and got him over there. we all dearly hope that he gets hired so we can meet him. he’s like a celebrity to us. he’s a beast. a killer even.

(via somecunttookmyurl)

cryptotheism:

When I got hit with a Havana Syndrome beam, it caused a resonance cascade between my rose quartz nipple piercings and the communion wafer in my stomach that gave every rat in a 5 mile radius a lethal orgasm.

(via cryptotheism)

roselastrider:

agendermurdock:

say hello to the fuck slug

Hello sluck flug

(via evilscientist3)

tobacconist:

(via ukulelekatie)

remy-the-lemon-berry:

unclefather:

rating based on what is letters.

(via amygdalae)

pepurika:

Fire salamander larva and adult…

(via zellkabellk)

grickle14:

There had been small rumors floating around. 

(via bigmammallama5)

husbandtits:

women want me for my huge cock (silicone) and my huge tits (silicone) and my funny pointed wizard hat (silly cone)

(via evilscientist3)

hjartasalt:

hjartasalt:

willgrahamscock:

hjartasalt:

hjartasalt:

hjartasalt:

willgrahamscock:

I wish someone would put my post under the water, maybe I want to be lost at sea forever

I’ve got you bestie dw about it

Puts you in the water

Sorry could you speak up I can’t hear you under all that water

I said damn these manatees looking kinda thick

Oh! Ok

Waterboards you too so you feel included

(via manywinged)

honeycomb-butch:

california quails they’re unforgettable. small and round, black feather on top.

ALT

(via evilscientist3)

chronic-lesbian:

I’m rooting for all women but especially the fucked up and silly ones

(via lakemojave)

minecraft:

which of these do you feel most like?

idk. like a fucked-up, evil. little miserable menace of a creature.

like a bright neon tube lights but if it were a person

mannequin made out of scrap metal that moves on its own

some sort of trickster jester magician spiritual entity that wears a mask 24/7

a shiny little gem of great value just laying in a treasure pile

cat :3

dragon >:}

skeleton surrounded by a flesh automaton controlled by a parasitic creature

like castle/temple ruins but like. as a person. sort of.

sword <::::::::|=o

fae creature of the dark forgotten woods

ethereal, peaceful jellyfish-esque thing outside and beyond normal time and spac

(via catfirebrand)

honeycomb-butch:

california quails they’re unforgettable. small and round, black feather on top.

ALT

(via sleepnoises)